Tahereh Mafi is hosting another contest! You can win one of three prize packs of ARCs! Visit her blog, comment on the contest…that’s all:) Oh, but if you Facebook, Tweet, MySpace or whatever you get up to five extras entries.
This is one of my entries…now go…it’s your turn!:)
Another Element that comes to play in Self is Parent. Even if you don’t become one, chances are, you are close to a child. This Facet of Self is unique as it holds us in responsibility to a being of Other. It is not only Self to which we are responsible. This is an integral part of transforming our Chaos into Cosmos. Another connection to be made.
Raising Self-Accepting Children
In order to raise children that love and accept themselves, we have to invest time. Not money. We have to form connections to them on the Soul-ular level, not just the cellular level. The connections that we form within Self can help empower the children in our lives to be connected at an early age to Self and to Other. Imagine raising a Self and Socially aware child. A child that needs not struggle connecting the Facets of Self that we have struggled to connect. That is amazing.
So, we are stepping outside of our own Chaos today in order to bring Order to Other’s Chaos. In doing so, we will bring together another Element of Self.
Are you ready?
In most societies outside of the West, family is treasure. Coal is cultivated and diamonds emerge. Too many children are disconnected from any form of caring adult in this part of the world. And too many adults don’t know how to express the feelings that they do have.
The Parenting by Connection Remedy
It is a means of showing children how important they really are. By investing that time and energy in them, they don’t just survive, they thrive. This type of parenting is not for the faint of heart, however. It takes us stepping up and digging down deep into our cores to bring back the child that we once were in order to connect with the child that we hold in our arms.
What was it that you wanted as a child? What was it that you craved and needed as if it were a heroin addiction?
You needed love. Love, affection, and understanding. Through Parenting by Connection, children are received openly and unabashedly.
Is this limitless parenting?
On the contrary. When children feel connected and respected, they reciprocate. They respect and connect.
Put on your army boots
This method is tough. Very tough. It means putting on a smile when you have had people yelling and screaming at you all day. It means forgetting that you needed to get some work done when Damon took Izabella’s toy. It means, you become a MINDFUL PARENT.
You thought I was going to get off of that soap box, didn’t you? Ha! Fooled you 😀
Being a mindful parent allows you to concentrate on the whys and wherefores and let’s you put child first again. Oh, and if you have more than one, you will be exhausted by lunch after one morning of this. However, the key is to remember that you are giving Self and Other precious gifts that will intertwine and give you back treasure troves of jewels.
You are not expected to struggle and fight through this alone. True Parenting by Connection requires a listening partner. This is 100% necessary. After exhausting your emotional supply because you have just emptied it into your children, you need someone to refill it. And it gets refilled when we are given the same of what have just spent. Attention. Love. Understanding.
Thus, we must call on yet another being of Other to help us through. Hm. Interesting how we need each other, isn’t it?
There are four tools to this parenting method and they are all invaluable. Without getting too bogged down in detail, they are: Special Time, Playlistening, Staylistening, and Setting Limits. As a user of said techniques, it is truly amazing to see them work.
The other day, my oldest came home from summer learning camp and a teacher had fussed at her. Well, not really fussed, but raised her voice. My darling was going out of the front door of a building which opens to a very busy highway. The woman yelled her name. My daughter automatically thought the woman was mad. She got her feelings hurt. (She is sensitive like her mom.:D) LOL Anyway, when I picked her up, she was devastated. She could only cry when I got her. And as the Hand in Hand Parenting website suggests, I just let her do it. I didn’t try to make her feel better by diminishing the situation. I acknowledged her feelings, told her I loved her, and let her respond to each statement I made. This went on for almost 45 minutes. In the end of it all, she worked through and cried through the hurt feelings, rather than bottled them inside for later. She felt connected to me and happy that she could bring me her hurt to me to help her through it. That was a good feeling. The connection. One of my Elements of Self connected to Other. And thus connected me.
This is the goal. To combine the Elements of Self to Order Chaos into Cosmos…
What can you do to connect to the small Other in your life? What priceless gift can you give them today? Let me know in the comments below:) Check out handinhandparenting.org and let’s talk…
© Tania Dakka and Chaotic Musing, 2011
In the quest to connect our Facets of Self, we know Mindfulness is key to being aware and alive; key to letting Soul live and breathe within us. Yet, Soul is still trapped without Self-Acceptance.
In order to free it and allow others into our Cosmos, the chains of guilt and self-doubt have to be broken. Each person shimmers, but seeing that shimmer can be difficult for some. In accepting Self for the beauty that it is and recognizing its potential as if it were the Self of another, we afford it the opportunity to flourish and grow. We do not hold friends and family as critically as we hold our own Self. Why punish it in this way? Their Self is no different from ours. Being overly critical hinders it and creates limiting beliefs. Thereby, binding it.
Heart, Soul, Mind Conflict
Soul accepts Self and loves it. Heart accepts Self and loves it. But, it is Mind that overly disciplines Self and makes it feel less than the rest. By being mindful, we are aware that these limits set upon Self are not true limits, but only perceptions of truth. In this way, we recognize the moments at which Mind is needlessly reprimanding Self. We react. We change what we believe. Repeatedly countering negative thoughts of self-doubt with positive thoughts of self-acceptance anchors those affirmations within us.
Why do you not accept Self?
Ask yourself from where the criticism originated. Perhaps it was imparted by a member of Other. Maybe your parents parented in negative ways. Maybe a teacher that you looked up to made you feel less than adequate about an assignment that you felt really great about. Maybe you are truly a critical person and you are the only bestower of your own negativity. Release them all. They thought they were serving you by pushing you to be greater, but the truth is greatness was already there.
Love Self as much (or more than) you love Other. Because there is no doubt how much you love your family and friends and Self deserves the same love.
See the big picture…
Look into Heart. Look into Soul. See your beauty. See that you do the best that you can do and accept what is your best. Yes, Andre Geim and Konstantin Novoselov won the Nobel in Physics in 2010 “for groundbreaking experiments regarding the two-dimensional material graphene”. But, you are you. Don’t judge Self by what Other does. You are SuperMom. You are DaringDad. You are SuperStudent. BestSister. Whatever. Accept who you are as a unique creature that gives life all that it can.
Robert Holden says in Happiness Now! that “Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand. In fact, your level of self-acceptance determines your level of happiness. The more self-acceptance you have, the more happiness you’ll allow yourself to accept, receive and enjoy. In other words, you enjoy as much happiness as you believe you’re worthy of [emphasis added].”
How much happiness/love/Self-acceptance do you believe you are worthy of?
In the end…
Accept Self. Love Self. Connect the Facets of it together by aligning the way Mind thinks with the way Heart and Soul feel. You are beautiful. Transform your chaos into cosmos.
1. Listen for the negative voices.
2. Address them.
3. Counter them with a positive affirmation.
4. Make it a daily habit to keep an Affirmation Journal, writing down your strengths and acknowledging your weaknesses as lesser strengths, not weakness.
What is it that you would like to fully accept about yourself? Do you love yourself as unconditionally as you love others? I looove talking to YOU! Leave your thoughts and comments below:) Thanks for visiting!
© Tania Dakka and Chaotic Musing, 2011
You know the routine! This is Teaser Tuesday! Yay! We get to see what you are reading and add new books to our TBR list! This meme is hosted by MizB over at Should Be Reading🙂
What to do:
- Turn to a page in your current read
- Share two sentences (but don’t SPOIL it for anyone!)
- Then, give the title and author so others can check it out.
- You have one more step…you aren’t done yet! THEN, post your link in the comments so that we can hop from teaser to teaser!
Ok, there are your rules! Here is my teaser:
The door to the room opened and Dexter’s father walked in, his face pale and concerned.
Dexter’s mother slowly turned to face him. “Have they found Dexy?”
Excerpt from Jacob Wonderbar and the Cosmic Space Kapow by Nathan Bransford. So loving this and can’t wait for my kids to be old enough to enjoy it with me:).
Ok, guys! Let’s here from you! Go post your teaser and come and place your link in the comments, so we can hop over to it!
© Tania Dakka and Chaotic Musing, 2011
Due out November 2011, Shatter Me is Tahereh Mafi’s debut novel. She is a quirky Twitter Tweeter with a over-caffeinated, humorous tone. Her giddiness is contagious, even for us outside of the YA department. Check her out.
In honor of her upcoming release, she is holding a SECOND contest to win an ARC (Advanced Reader Copy…I actually had to ask what that was during her last contest. To take part in the contest, you have to comment on her blog post here. You get extra points for Tweeting it, Facebooking it, etc. Love that she is using Random.org to choose instead of pulling names or numbers from a hat like many contests.
I have tweeted it. I have Facebooked it. And with this post, it is Linked In, too:) Your turn!
5 out of 5
If any of you know me, are on my Facebook page, or follow me on Twitter, then you realize now how horrendously slow my reading is. Had life and lives not gotten in the way of my reading, then this one have been a three-nighter max.
This is the first of a two-part series. It was published in 2005 (so, yeah, I am a LITTLE behind with my reading :D).
Jessamy, an up and coming painter, is caught unaware as she discovers the subject of her paintings is not a figment her imagination, but a living, breathing orphan. Their fates are intertwined as they learn that the destiny of the worlds rests on their shoulders. Kai Youngblood must educate Jess on her new station in this life and develops more than a student/teacher relationship. Together, the three of them must save the worlds from Bakal Ashika.
Justine Musk’s use of imagery is nothing short of brilliant. Her amazing ability to show verses tell is uncanny. A taste of what I mean: While Ramsey was in his room, he noted, through the open window, how “the air was thick with June.” Additionally, when Jess was driving in the desert, she felt “Heat and dust and silence, the sky hammering itself into the flat white of noon.”
Oh. My. God. That last one is etched into my brain. The author uses color to lend life and character to inanimate, intangible objects. Her use of language is masterful. But, don’t take my word for it…check it out for yourself (if you haven’t already :D).
Stoked to delve into the sequel, Lord of Bones, and her second book, Uninvited. What about you?
Thanks, Justine, for these lessons in excellent writing…(Aren’t you tired of hearing that??)
If you have read BloodAngel, leave your comments below and let me know what you thought!
Thanks for stopping by this corner of the net:) I look forward to talking with you again soon:)
© Tania Dakka and Chaotic Musing, 2011